


Burn In Thee

by branwyn



Series: The Last One [2]
Category: Cabin Pressure, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, goodbye letter, suicide note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-25
Updated: 2012-10-25
Packaged: 2017-11-17 01:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/545880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/branwyn/pseuds/branwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I've asked Mr Holmes to give you this letter once you're back in England."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burn In Thee

Dear Douglas,

I've asked Mr Holmes to give you this letter once you're back in England and pretty well settled and recovered. I hope you've got everything you need. If you don't, tell Mr Holmes about it, and he'll take care of it for you. He's promised me that that. 

I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to write this, but Mr Holmes said that you'd probably prefer to hear from me what happened--what's about to happen, that is. I guess there's no easy way to say it, but by the time you read this, I'll be dead. I can't tell you all the details, but I have to tell you that much, because you won't hear it anywhere else. My death won't be reported in any of the papers. I can't tell you why, but it's not really important. What's important right now is for you to know that I died willingly, and that I did it to save people. You were one of them, but don't you dare blame yourself, because it isn't your fault. I wish I could explain properly so you could understand better. I'm doing this because--try to imagine what you would do, if you could keep someone good and important from dying, someone who saved lots of other people. By keeping that person alive, you would have helped save all those other people too. That's what I've done. At least, that's what I believe I'm doing. 

I'm not sure I could have gone through with it if it was just for you, Douglas. I hope you'll remember that, if you feel guilty. But I got involved something much bigger than just us, and I have to say, I'm not sorry. There was never any chance for our lives to go back to the way they were, which is the only thing in the world I want more than I want to bring you home safely. This is the next best possible thing--knowing that you and Carolyn and Arthur will always be taken care of, and that you'll remember me, hopefully, after I'm gone. 

I've been thinking about this nonstop for the last few days, and what I've decided is that I'm actually very lucky. Everyone dies, after all, and most people die for no good reason at all. But my death will have meaning, even if no one knows except for a few people. And to be honest, it will be a bit of a relief for me, to not have to keep trying. I've never been very good at getting on in the world, as you know. There's something about me that just doesn't fit here, and it's sort of exhausting, having to pretend that I fit when I don't. But my life hasn't been a waste. For awhile, I had you, and Arthur and Carolyn, and for awhile, I got to be a pilot. Those were the only two things in the world I ever wanted, you know--to have real friends, and to fly.

Please look after Carolyn and Arthur for me. Mr Holmes is going to arrange some things for them, like he's arranging them for you, but you'll need each other more than you'll need the money. This is the one thing I absolutely want you to promise me, Douglas. Don't hide away, and don't let yourself be lonely. Whatever mistakes you've made, you're a good and decent man, a fantastic pilot, and the best friend I've ever had. I've learned so much from you. In fact, since this is the last letter I'll ever write, and I'll never have to be embarrassed by it, I might as well tell you that I love you. Men don't say those sorts of things to each other, but it's true, and I'd regret it if I died without saying. As it is, I hardly have any regrets at all.

I guess that's all, then. Good luck, and take care of yourself, and thank you. For everything--for the best years of my life. Thank you.

Martin


End file.
